Napkin:


That's a relative that takes naps with you.
   

Before I start this week's descent into madness, I need to correct a mistake that I made in last week's column. When I was welcoming my new neighbors to Altus, I forgot to include their two year-old son Lucas. So, "Welcome to Altus, Lucas Roberts!" Little Luke is going to be a big brother in August so I thought it would be a good time to print this list of "GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED" that  I got from my good friend Catfish Hunter.

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

    10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

    I dont want to leave the parents without some information so here are some "GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:"

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

Of course, I don't want to leave out the grandparents either so here are some "GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:"

1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Well, that's for this week, but before I go I want to say "Welcome aboard!" to Bill Murphy, our new publisher and my new best friend if he gives me a raise. I also want to leave you with this blonde joke I found on the Internet. If any of you readers have a joke you want to send me then pleae E-mail me at jcholthe@swoidup.net. A blond died her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on, She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. she said to the farmer "If I can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?"

"Ok" said the farmer, so she quickly counted them and said 91. The farmer looked around astonished and said "Alright, take one." As she was walking back to her car the farmer said "If I can guess your natural hair colour can I have my dog back?"

Reflections


John Holthe